… he felt nothing.

His ears were still buzzing, as if he was still inside the packed train, hearing all the chatters, noise, occasional laughters … looking at an Indian guy standing next to the door staring at the white screen on his iphone, he felt like he’s seen this before! or the two ladies in front him talking and laughing out loud ignoring everything and everyone around them. He had to let go of the bar he was holding coz one of them was constantly moving and leaning to it making him and a few other moving heir hands behind her!.He was more curious than annoyed by it! surely she could feel the squashed hands behind her back! Finally when one of them got off, the other one started a never ending phone conversation about how it was still to early to buy a present for her pregnant friend.

He was outside now, walking home, yet he could still hear them, as if his mind was still there, wondering about people…. but suddenly, his attention shifted to hearing his own footsteps, and the silence fell over the street. He stopped.

A flickering street light, a ginger cat passing by, rain drops hitting the ground .. all in silence… and he remembered; all the embarrassing, humiliating, frustrating and depressing moments of his life, and how he felt, all the failed attemps, shattered dreams and meaningless hopes. All the sadness and bitterness came through him, but he thought none matters! He wondered how he could even care, how stupid everything was!

A car’s light blinded his eyes for a few second and he noticed the noise is coming back. It wasn’t raining anymore but he could hear the flickering street light in front of him. The cat was getting some attention from a couple, one sat down and gently stroked her back. He felt something wet hitting his face, it was coming from the trees, what was left of the rain.

After a few blank seconds he tried to remember what happened and what he was thinking about. And when he did ,he realized the bitterness and sadness he felt has returned, and all those moments are still upsetting for him, and he wondered …

He was almost home and could see the windows, the light was on.
He felt nothing.